Riot trolls VALORANT followers with faux patch notes for April Fools’ Day

For a lot of recreation builders, April Fools’ Day is likely one of the finest alternatives to incorporate zany options in video games, or trick followers into believing unorthodox updates are being added. Riot Video games has been identified to hitch in on the enjoyable over the previous decade, they usually’re taking it a couple of steps additional with VALORANT this 12 months.

As a part of right now’s shenanigans, Riot launched an inventory of patch notes for an “upcoming” VALORANT replace that, at first look, seems quite commonplace, however upon nearer inspection, is just the event staff taking part in together with well-established memes inside the neighborhood. These patch notes don’t point out any modifications which might be truly being added to the sport, and are merely an April Fools’ joke.

The patch notes embody:

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AGENT UPDATES  

  • Wingman can now decide up and shoot weapons
    • say much less—our bestie, Wingman, can now pull up onto web site with an Op
  • Proximity to Brimstone’s beard provides speedy fireplace
    • Brim appeared us sq. within the eye and gave us a superb agency handshake and we simply couldn’t say no

COMPETITIVE UPDATES 

  • VALORANT e-daters in Ranked will mechanically be funnelled to a devoted queue the place they’ll solely hear each other’s voice comms
    • Cuffing season could also be over, however if you happen to and your situationship are tryna hyperlink over VALORANT with out getting completely merked by your teammates, we gotchu fam.

GAMEPLAY SYSTEMS UPDATES  

  • Pictures fired whereas in spawn will now shoot into enemy spawn
    • map management is mid anyway
  • Jett sprint is now cooldown primarily based as a substitute of cost primarily based and the cooldown is now set to 0.5 seconds
    • we love Jett and we love vehicles so we made her sprint cooldown 0.5 seconds. Jett boutta pull up skrt skrt

MAPS UPDATES  

  • Breeze is now the one map, and it comes with cabanas and adirondack chairs
    • Your timeshare is as soon as once more open for enterprise.

MODES UPDATES 

  • Suss Teammate Mode: Solo queue with scoreboard and comms turned off
    • as a result of like why are you backside fragging and never utilizing comms — decide a wrestle.

PERFORMANCE UPDATES  

  • In Recreation Leads will now get an “aged” impact face filter utilized to their Agent
    • After I was your age they used to say, “youth is wasted on the younger.” Completely different instances.

PROGRESSION UPDATES  

  • Now you can progress the Battlepass in your stationary bike
    • not you forgetting to finish the final Battlepass

SOCIAL UPDATES  

  • Use of “VALORANT Accent” in voice comms is now mechanically translated

WEAPONS UPDATES  

  • We’ve seen the net banter of which is healthier: Vandal or Phantom.  To make the choice simpler, we’re eradicating the Vandal from the store.
    • friendship ended with Vandal now Phantom is your finest pal #phantoms4life

Among the many weird modifications listed in these patch notes are a plethora of updates to the talents of current brokers, some fully altering how the brokers work. For instance, Gekko’s Wingman is listed as having the ability to decide up and use any gun at its disposal, and Jett can sprint each 0.5 seconds as a substitute of getting to attend for the flexibility to cost. Gamers would even see their fireplace charge improve for merely being close to Brimstone’s beard.

Riot additionally performed in the direction of VALORANT memes additional by itemizing that the Vandal can be faraway from buy within the in-game store, whereas everybody’s favourite, unproblematic map Breeze can be the one map within the pool, full with some new furnishings. And if you happen to’re bored with listening to {couples} in your video games, don’t fear—any flirting in Ranked can be moved to a voice channel for simply these two gamers with these conceptual patch notes.

Whereas none of those modifications are literally being added to VALORANT at any level within the close to future, it’s clear that Riot is greater than prepared to amplify memes inside the neighborhood—simply make certain to not fall for his or her tips.

Author: Ronnie Neal